Control

Now we shall cover another topic. We commonly hear that if something tragic happens or things are not going just right, that it all “happens for a reason.”

There may be some of you who disagree, but I find it an unfortunate choice of words when people try to console themselves when something disastrous happens in their lives or in the lives of others by saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” In your heart of hearts, do you really believe this?

People think everything that happens in their life, down to the minutest details, is all in God’s will. They are taught such phrases as “It’s God’s will,” or “Everything happens for a reason,” or “God is in control.” Such phrases seem to be used as a pain reliever, a narcotic, if you will, in order to try to ease the pain of human suffering.

There was an actor whose son was shot and killed. People tried to console him concerning the death of his son. He said, “Some have come to me and said it was God’s will. My answer to them is that I choose not to consider God carrying out his will with a bullet to my son’s head.”

Seriously think about it. If someone were to harm your child or any of your loved ones, could you honestly say it was “God’s will” and that “everything happens for a reason?” And please tell me, what kind of reason would God have? Just about everyone knows there is a reason, but no one can tell what that reason is! It is always a mystery. In the meantime, there are many who go through years of struggle and guilt. They struggle because they just cannot comprehend why God would allow such a thing to happen in their life, and have guilt because they have become angry with God. This has affected many people so tremendously that they have walked away from God angry and confused.

I will give another example. I was listening to the news today where there was a fatal accident that happened in Texas. Six people (ages 61 to 70) were just coming back from a three-day retreat in a small church bus when they were suddenly hit by a man driving a truck. He admitted he was texting while driving. They interviewed the pastor who said, “We don’t know why God allowed this to happen. But one thing I do know, God has a perfect plan.” And what is that perfect plan? All I could do was shake my head. Is God really responsible because he allowed people to get killed? Was this God’s perfect plan? I will tell you what happened and God had nothing to do with it. The accident happened because the man was texting while driving. It was because of his negligence that people were killed.

The actual meaning behind the mask of Calvinism theology of “everything happens for a reason,” is that God “intends for everything to happen that happens.” Is this true? If God intends for everything to happen that happens, then why do we see the God of the bible intervening in people’s lives if everything was planned out to the minutest detail? What would be the purpose for the times He has changed His mind? Furthermore, if God intends for everything to happen that happens, then there is no escaping the fact that this is accusing God of being behind all the evil that takes place in this world!

When someone says, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “It’s God’s will and perfect plan,” they are only repeating Calvinistic theology and not bible truth.

I knew a woman some time ago who lost her husband and someone tried to tell her this was God’s will and He decided to take him. All it did was set a deep hatred in her towards God for taking her husband, even up until the day she died in the nursing home.

Who is to Blame?

I was reading where someone was having a hard time forgiving someone because of some tragic event in her life. Though forgiving may be a very difficult thing to do, we must forgive just the same. If we do not forgive, God will not forgive us as recorded in the scriptures. Nevertheless, I could understand where she was coming from since all of us are no stranger to the teaching that everything happens for a reason and all is God’s will. I had fallen for the same deception.

I want to share something very personal that happened in my life and hope that those who are struggling with something similar and find it hard to forgive, will take heart and encouragement as I have received. There is a scripture I love which says:

Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2Cor. 1:3-4)

Many are in so much confusion because of the teaching that everything that happens to us is God’s will. I struggled with this for so long. I hope as you read my testimony that you would know God can do the same for you. If you are struggling with tragic incidents that may have happened in your life through no fault of your own, and having to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply, just know that there is no reason to hold anger towards God our Father. I want to share with you the same comfort I have received. To God be the glory.

As a young child, before my teen years, I was betrayed and humiliated over a period of time by a Catholic priest and a relative. Yes, I am talking about sexual abuse. It affects a person emotionally, physically, relationally and spiritually. Those who have been abused know what it means to suffer silently and how shame, depression, and guilt become our constant companion. I tried to commit suicide on two different occasions because the pain was so unbearable.

Then I had become a Christian. It was a time of great joy for a couple of years, that is until it was drilled into my head that God is in control of everything and what happened to me was no mistake. I was finding this hard to reconcile and started dwelling on my past all over again. Once again, it brought me into a deep depression. I used to have a saying and that was, "I have to climb up just to reach the bottom." But the problem was that I could never reach the bottom. I could not get out of this depression, and just the thought that God was ultimately responsible for what happened to me made it worse! Again, suicide went through my mind because the pain was once again unbearable. But I knew in my heart this was wrong. It was not an option. I continued to be depressed as my anger towards God grew. For the first time in my life, I finally confided in a sister. She listened and suggested I see a certain Christian sister who happened to be a counselor. She encouraged me to talk with her. It took everything for me to visit this woman because if there were one thing I did not want to do, it was to discuss what happened to me again. But as I slowly walked towards her door, I knew this is why I was here. My feet seemed to drag and I felt as if I were outside my body. I was just numb at this point.

As she sat closely in front of me, she got me to explain my past. I did, and after all was said and done, I only had one thing that bugged me and a question I REALLY wanted to be answered. After I finished I looked at her, sobbing like an idiot, and asked, "WHY DID GOD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME?" To me, that was the cruelest thing for God to let happen. She looked at me for a moment and said, "Sandy, God did not allow this to happen to you. What I mean is," and I will never forget what she said next, "God gave every person a free will. Those men chose to do that to you, not God. Don't you think God was grieving every time He saw you being abused? Don't you think He was crying when you were crying? Don’t you think God was hurting because you were hurting?" If I were sobbing before, I was uncontrollably crying now. My heart sank to the floor because at that moment I knew in my heart of hearts that she was telling me the truth. I also realized how I had accused God unfairly and how could He ever forgive me?

I do not remember much after that, but I will tell you this, it was a great relief to realize God was not responsible. I realized at that moment that God wishes no harm on His children, and it grieves and angers Him to see innocent children suffer at the hands of evil men. It was a relief to know that God did give man a free will and He was not responsible for their evil acts, and to realize that God loved me all this time and did not wish me any harm.

It was not long afterward when I realized that I now had to deal with forgiving my abusers. They were guilty of criminal acts, and forgiving them seemed it would only reduce the significance of their crime because in my mind they should be punished. What I was doing was harboring unforgiveness, and God the Father was not going to let me get away with this.

One night, in my living room alone, I was reading my bible. I came to the part where Jesus said how we must forgive others from our heart or we will not be forgiven by God. I did not want that to happen, God not forgiving me. I struggled hard that night with those verses. I had every reason to be angry and wanting nothing more than vengeance. I tossed and turned and finally went to sleep. The next morning I got ready for work, but the thoughts, pain, and anger from my past did not go away, neither did the verses I read the night before. I knew what I had to do, but was just not sure how to do it. As I was walking to work, I said this short prayer: "Lord, I know what I read last night and you know I do not feel like forgiving these people, but you said I must and I know that is what I have to do. So I forgive them by faith, please supply the emotions." Within no time, I cannot begin to tell you the weight that came off my shoulders. It was the difference between night and day! It was refreshing. Oh yes, there were moments when those memories would pop back in my mind from time to time, but I would also remember that great moment when God lifted the burden and pain when I had forgiven them that morning in prayer.

I pray that if anyone reading this finds that they are in the same situation of being hurt and trying to forgive, please take it to God in prayer. He will show the way and lift that burden.

Now here are some quotes from Reformed Theology (Calvinism) that is rampant in and out of Christianity and the reason why we get the idea that God is behind all the evil in the world:

God is seen as the great and mighty King who has appointed the course of nature and who directs the course of history even down to its minutest details.

He also perfectly controls all the depraved and impious affections of the wicked, and turns them as He pleases.

When we get the larger view we see that even the sinful acts of men have their place in the divine plan.

If “everything happens for reason,” as most people believe, then why should there be complaining when someone does something vicious to us or someone else? If people are adamant about what they believe to be true, why get upset when we see vile crimes committed such as abortions, rape of children, murderers killing people, women forced at gunpoint and repeatedly and brutally raped, an innocent person viciously beaten to death, and other such despicable crimes? After all, according to Calvinism, the criminals had no choice! They had no freewill! Why? Because the god of Reformed Theology “controls all the depraved and impious affections of the wicked, and turns them as He pleases.” “…even the sinful acts of men have their place in the divine plan.” In my opinion, the god of Calvinism is a god that is sadistic!

Are you beginning to see the implications of this repeated rhetoric? God does not choose evil to befall you, me, or anyone else. The evil actions committed is man’s choice. God is not capable of perpetrating evil. God did not create evil. I know some will immediately point out Isa. 45:7 in the King James Bible but look and compare the context carefully because it has nothing to do with “moral evil” or sin, but rather with “calamity” or “disaster”.

There is good news! Though people will make wrong or evil choices that affect our lives, we are told:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

   This tells me that God can use circumstances for our own good if we allow Him. God can heal physical, emotional, and relational wounds. A classic example of this is the story of Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers (Gen. 37). At the end of that story, God brought healing and reconciliation and much more. What the brothers conceived and imagined to harm Joseph, God was able to use the circumstances in Joseph’s life for good. Joseph did not moan, “Oh, well, this is God’s will and everything happens for a reason.” What Joseph did see was that God was powerful and loving enough to use his circumstance to bring about good (Gen. 50:20).

That ‘God is in control,’ does not exist anywhere in the scriptures. Throughout scriptures we can observe where God intervenes in the world. If God were in control, then He would not have to intervene! However, the bible does show that God is selectively involved in the affairs of the world, but not totally. I would say that God is in control, but with the clarification that there is nothing beyond His ability to intervene. God has all authority and power and can do whatever He pleases. But it is wrong to say “God is in control” if a person means by that statement that God is controlling every little detail in this world as Calvinists would explain, then in that sense, God is not in control. We could say, “God is in charge” to cause less confusion. If God were in control, Jesus’ prayers would have been meaningless.

   Furthermore, there are things happening this very moment that grieves God’s heart. Why would God want to control to the point that it grieves His own heart? If God is in control of everything then we cannot be blamed for His sorrows. We can easily sit back and blame God for making His life and ours miserable. He must take full responsibility for everything.

Have you ever heard the question, ‘If God is in control, why is there so much suffering in the world?” The world scoffs at the answers given by those who hold to Reformed Theology because it just does not make sense. Unfortunately, I did not see the nonsense and fell for some of its teachings, as many others. Why? Because those who start going to church are slowly indoctrinated to the point that they are eventually hooked to the falsehood no matter how unreasonable it sounds at first. Teachers and preachers pull many passages of scripture out of context and we think it is the truth, that is, until it does not make sense in our own life and we truly begin to ask questions. Regrettably, there are others who do not bother to question, which leads some to the point of resentment and they turn away from God (as I shared about the woman who lost her husband) because they assume the teaching is true.

   Why is there so much pain and suffering? Simple. Because man has freewill. God gives us the ability to make choices, which can have positive or undesirable effects on our fellow human beings and ourselves. Of course Calvinists do not believe man has freewill and it will take about three-hundred pages for them to explain why.

God does not have total control, not because He does not have the ability or power, but because He chooses not to exercise that power in all situations. God can intervene and does influence this world through responses to our prayers. If it were not so, Jesus wasted his time praying to his Father and so do we.

Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, among other biblical characters, understood God was not in control, but they did know God was “in charge” and therefore had no problems approaching God with prayers, tears, requests, and praise.

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